I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
