Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And then my night got REAL pukey
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
