chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
