bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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