Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
