hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
