Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
