u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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