battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
