Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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