Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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