my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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