i would punch a child for taco bell
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
