She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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