I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
