a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
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I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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