We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
