Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
