Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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