Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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