I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
