I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
