Kiss
Puke
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
