its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
