So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
