ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
