Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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