We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He passed out mid-signature
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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