that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
