Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
