I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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