my vag is so smooth its legendary
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
