Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
