If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
