I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
