"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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