If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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