I will die if light touches me.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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