just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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