I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
