I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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