so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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