There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
