My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
