There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
