Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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