Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
