new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
