I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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