I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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