I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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