Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
