Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
