I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
