Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
