Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
