Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
