I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
