I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are we still banned from the library?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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