Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
