with your own penis?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
